Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
