things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize