that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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