Are we in a gay sports bar?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
