i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
