my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
