how do flat chested girls get laid?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize