The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Success! We fucked roommates!
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