I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
