someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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