So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
