What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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