i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
