I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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