He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
