Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
