If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
