Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
