If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
