And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
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