Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
