I accidentally had phone sex last night
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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