ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
