I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
