Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
