textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
