It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize