I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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