So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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