I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
