I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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