I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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