All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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