I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
