Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
