why didn't you poke me back
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
