Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
