If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
