he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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