win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
