i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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