Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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