Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he told me I talked like a deaf person
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
