what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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