just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
