We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
