That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
either way he was missing a nipple.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
