I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's blow job season.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize