I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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