I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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