I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
