I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
