im six kinds of drunk right now
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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