we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
