I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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