Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My liver just broke up with me...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize