I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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