We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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