My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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