Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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