I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
