She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize