you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you have to choose: penises or morals?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
