i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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