I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
