I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
