I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
not ubering you a puppy
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
