Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
my sisters under your porch take her home
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
