Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
