Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
